


it's okay if you can't find the words, let me take your coat and this weight off of your shoulders

by shuttymcshutfuck



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Author Projecting onto Juno Steel, Benten is only mention and so is his death but only very briefly, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Hurt Juno Steel, Hurt/Comfort, I swear its not that bad, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Juno Steel Needs a Hug, Juno Steel has PTSD, Junoverse | Juno Steel Universe, Nonbinary Juno Steel, Not Beta Read, Other, PTSD, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Assault, Post Season 2, Self-Harm, accidental at most, could be read as sexual assault, diamond is only mentioned, i made sure to keep it very vague, i think thats it, kinda but i thought best to tag it just in case, same with rita, the tags make it sound so much darker than it is, why isnt that a tag?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:41:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25832959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuttymcshutfuck/pseuds/shuttymcshutfuck
Summary: Sometimes even when you have a good day the past can creep up on you. Juno is mostly used to this by now. What he's not used to is someone caring for him.
Relationships: Diamond/Juno Steel, Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 16
Kudos: 151





	it's okay if you can't find the words, let me take your coat and this weight off of your shoulders

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is actually my first fic and what better to start things off than with me projecting onto my favourite Lady? The tags do make it sound darker than it is but i thought better safe than sorry. If you think anything else should be tagged let me know. Also, I'd really appreciate feedback as I'm pretty new to writing. Okay. that's all. I hope you enjoy :)
> 
> title from: Two by Sleeping at Last

It had been a day off from jobs on the Carte Blanche so everyone was just doing little bits and bobs. Juno had spent most of the day held hostage on the couch by Rita with each member of the crew popping in and out every so often. He hadn’t paid much attention to the streams Rita had put on, just letting his mind rest for a little. Once they had well and truly stayed up a bit later than they should have Juno decided to call it a night and head back to the room he and Nureyev shared. He walked in and Peter lay on the bed reading a book, his glasses on the very end of his nose. 

“Coming to join me?” Nureyev spoke softly, still not looking up from his book.

“Just gonna hop in the shower real quick first.” Juno walked straight into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Nothing was different, so why did something feel off? Suddenly it flickered in his mind. Diamond. No, this wasn’t going to happen again. Today was a good day after all, why should he think about them. But it wasn’t them he was thinking about, it was something they did. Juno tried to hold on, trying to focus on the feeling of the water running down his back. As much as he wanted to forget it he couldn’t help but feel Diamond’s light touch on his body. Their unwelcome touch, that is. 

He slowly turned up the temperature, using the faint burning of his skin to drown out the ghosts of touch that haunted him. And he stood there, just grasping onto his last thread of reality. He knew that they weren’t here, that they were long gone, planets away and he was safe on the Carte Blanche. The static of his thoughts were so loud that he didn’t hear Peter call his name. He didn’t even know that Peter had come into the bathroom until he had pulled back the curtain slightly and came into Juno’s line of sight. 

“Nureyev?” It came out more like a sigh than anything else but it was enough to let Peter know that Juno was back in the present at least a little. 

“Juno, why is the water so hot?” It was only now that Juno felt the burning sensation all over his shoulders and back. When the only response Peter got was Juno’s eyes widening he assumed that Juno wasn’t aware that his shower was scalding hot.

“Dear? I’m going to turn off the shower and hand you your towel, okay?” Juno nodded slightly, still partially stuck in his memories. Peter did as he said, moving slowly as not to scare him. Juno wrapped the towel around himself, taking Peter’s hand when it was offered to keep him steady. He led Juno over to the bed and shuffled over to the chest of drawers, pulling out an old baggy t-shirt and pair of joggers. Making sure Juno knew when and where he would touch him, Peter helped him into the clothes and into bed. He was humming a soft tune that slowly soothed Juno’s frayed nerves. It was only after they were both lying in bed, Juno’s head on Nureyev's chest with his fingers carding through Juno’s damp hair that he finally spoke.

“I’m sorry.” It was close to a whisper, his voice a bit hoarse from tears he doesn’t remember shedding. Thankfully, apart from Peter’s gentle humming the room was silent.

“For what?” Peter’s voice was just as quiet and Juno could feel his chest vibrate lightly.

“Me? Tonight? You shouldn’t have to put up with this.” Juno nestled his face deeper into Peter’s chest, trying to hide the embarrassment that was slowly washing over him alongside the realisation of what had happened.

“You have nothing to apologise for, my love.” His humming had stopped now but his hand kept carding through Juno’s hair, slowly massaging away the growing headache that always came after crying hard enough. 

“Don’t you want an explanation?” Juno said, confusion evident in his voice.

“If you want to talk about it I’m all ears but, you don’t have to explain anything to me. Whatever happened was clearly distressing so if you’re not up to it then I won’t force you to relive it just to clear some things up. If at any point you want to talk about it then of course I’m here. For now though, I am quite content just laying here with you.” At that Juno felt the whisper of a smile graze his lips. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had been so kind after one of his “moments” as Diamond used to call them. 

He hid it from Rita as much as he could because he didn’t want her to worry. Of course there were still times where he slipped and Rita saw a stray tear or times where she would catch him staring into space, his hands grasping onto his arms like a lifeline. But there wasn’t much she could do apart from waiting for him to come back to and asking if there was anything he needed. An offer which he always declined, not wanting to bother her. Juno doesn’t even want to think about what happened on the rare occasion Diamond found him, especially after Benten died. Those nights never ended well.

“Would you like me to read to you, Juno? It may not be the start of the book but it might help.” Nureyev’s voice was sincere and raw. No trace of Rex Glass, Duke Rose or even Peter Ransom. It was just him.

“Oh, uh sure.” As Peter started reading Juno focused on his voice. Within minutes Juno was struggling to keep his eye open as fatigue continuously hit him in waves. Peter, of course, noticed this and paused his reading.

“You can fall asleep, Juno. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” At this Juno finally let himself drift off to the sound of Nureyev’s voice, his heart beat and the feeling of his fingers running through Juno’s hair. And when he woke up the next morning, Peter was still there as promised. Maybe things weren’t perfect in the mess he calls a brain but he thinks that maybe that’s okay as long as he has Peter by his side.


End file.
